This Year's Love
by BaronessBlixen
Summary: It's New Year's Eve and Roz finds herself thinking about love, growing older and Frasier. Is there finally a happy end for the two of them? One-shot.


**A/N**: This was supposed to be a short drabble, but... well :D It's also Frasier/Roz for a change, because reasons (Niles and Daphne do have a small part though). Set sometimes after season 11. Happy New Year everyone!

* * *

Roz had her first drink before the clock struck twelve. She had it with breakfast to be exact. Alice was still in Wisconsin with her family – and she was having fun. Unlike Roz who had left the place as soon as possible. Her mother would bring Alice back in a couple of days. So Roz was all alone on New Year's Eve, which meant she could have a drink at noon. To her that was perfectly reasonable. Naturally, she wouldn't ring in the new year all by herself. Niles and Daphne had invited her over. According to them it was going to be a big bash (Daphne's words) with just the right amount of culture thrown in (Niles' words). Roz was looking forward to it. Not because of the party; she had been to so many Crane parties in the last decade, she knew she couldn't expect much. There was something that set this particular party apart from all the others. Just thinking about it, Roz took a long gulp from her drink. The vodka trickled down her throat, distracted her with its flame for a moment. _Frasier_, it hissed somewhere. Frasier would be at this party. And Roz hadn't seen him in almost two years. Whoever said that absence made the heart grow fonder was dead right. In her case absence had made her realize that she was in indeed irrevocably head-over-heels in love with her friend and former boss.

Yes, Roz had her first drink before noon – and she needed it.

* * *

By the time she had to leave, Roz was in no condition to drive a car. She took a cab and while it took her to Niles and Daphne's apartment, she couldn't help but think. The cab driver turned a corner and Roz was pushed back into her seat. Not too long ago her life had done the same. The days where she couldn't wait for the thrill of a new lover every now and then still lingered on her like a familiar smell. It was so easy. Flirting her way through life, always avoiding the deep emotions and the realness of love was a pastime she knew by heart. But Roz was getting older. And her physical appearance changed for everyone to see, but her weary heart was a personal reminder. It spoke louder these days or she no longer refused to listen to it. Whatever the reason, Roz longed for what was real. She often found herself envious of Daphne. Her best friend had never pretended to want anything else than true love. And she had found it too. She and Niles were, and Roz hated to admit it, the most beautiful couple she had ever seen. After all these years all Daphne had to do was walk into a room and Niles' whole face lit up. She wanted that. But love had never been a friend of hers. Once she had believed she might have found it with Roger. The thought no longer hurt; a healed scar that sometimes itched, but no longer pained her. And in all her failures and disappointments there had been one constant: Frasier.

Sometimes when Roz couldn't sleep and felt especially masochistic, she imagined how different her life would be if she and Frasier hadn't missed so many chances. In the past she believed it had never happened, because on some level both were afraid to risk their unique friendship. She was no longer sure it was true. Fear had played a great part, but mostly on her side. Frasier was capable of such strong emotions and she had always felt the need to run from them. After their one night together there had been a window of opportunity and Roz had literally run. She had done the same when she felt this consuming jealousy of Julia. By the time Charlotte came around, Roz had already convinced herself that what she felt for Frasier was nothing but friendship. A blatant lie.

She arrived at the party and let the waves of joy and love lift her up and carry her. A waiter pushed a glass of champagne in her hand and she gulped it down almost immediately. The apartment was crowded with faceless people Roz didn't care about. There was only one face she longed to see and she couldn't find it.

"Roz, hi!" A familiar hand grabbed her arm and Roz found herself looking at Daphne. For a moment she was amazed by her friend's radiance. She wondered if she was pregnant again.

"I'm so glad to see you. All these people! I don't know half of them." A waiter rushed by and Daphne stopped him to take two glasses from his tray. So much for Roz' pregnancy theory. Maybe contentment had put that radiant beauty on her face. As happy as Roz was for her friend, it reminded her of all the things she didn't have.

"Where is everyone? I thought Frasier would be here." Roz' tongue felt heavy and wrong in her mouth. With the music pounding in her ear, the sweaty warmth inside and the sweet taste of the alcohol all around her she felt herself swaying. Her brain didn't seem to be able to catch with her body and time. She smiled at no one in particular and in a moment of strange clarity she regretted all the alcohol she'd had beforehand.

"He was caught up. Niles said he might not make it." Roz' heart shattered and Daphne must have seen it.

"You miss him, don't you?" Her voice was too gentle for the whole atmosphere. All around them were people laughing, dancing and generally being happy. Roz and Daphne seemed to be caught in a bubble filled with despair and unspoken feelings.

"I do," the alcohol in her blood made it impossible for Roz to lie. She didn't even try. "I wanted to see him. I haven't seen him in so long."

"I'll ask Niles if he has any news. If he doesn't make it, you know Niles and I will be there for you." Daphne squeezed Roz' hand and then she disappeared in the crowd. Roz followed her for a few steps, but she stopped at the bar. The bartender looked at her lazily and maybe a year ago Roz would have flirted with him. Now she simply ordered another shot of vodka. She needed something stronger than bubbly champagne.

* * *

Midnight crept closer and closer. Roz simply watched the party. Her feet occasionally moved with the beat, but she didn't feel it in herself to get up and dance. Daphne had forced Niles to dance with Roz once. She had stumbled onto the dance floor and the man she'd come to call her friend had to hold her tightly just so she didn't fall.

"Daphne told me you miss Frasier." Niles had switched on his psychiatrist mode. Anything was better than awkward silence.

"Well, don't you?"

"I think we both miss him differently." Niles had answered after a short moment. Roz had simply stared at him, knowing that the answer and her secret were obvious in her eyes.

That had been a couple of hours ago. A few men had smiled at Roz, had asked her to dance. She always smiled back, but always refused them. That's why she almost didn't recognize him.

"No, thank you." She said miserably, not even looking at the man.

"Hey, that's not how you treat an old friend." Finally the sound of his voice got through to her. Roz felt her heartbeat accelerate; her brain was slower to catch up.

"Frasier?" She breathed and he stood there and grinned at her. A moment later she threw herself at him. He caught her as if he did it every day. He chuckled into her hair and Roz clung to him tightly. She closed her eyes, buried her face in his chest. His heartbeat blocked out the actual music around them.

"I missed you too." He told her so close to her ear that she shivered.

"What time is it?"

"Time to stop drinking." Frasier told her; her voice was even thicker than earlier. Forming words was frustrating.

"Need no drink. You're here now."

"I am. Come on, it's almost time."

"For what?"

"The countdown."

"Countdown to sleep?" His laugh tickled her insides. It felt so beautiful and she looked up at him and smiled contently. She wanted to say so many things to him. So many things that weren't possible. He no longer lived in Seattle and he was with Charlotte. She was a nice woman and Roz couldn't blame anyone but herself for letting Frasier go.

"Come on, Roz." Gently Frasier took her hand and led her away. Roz thought she was dreaming. Everyone seemed to be looking at them with smiles on their face. She was the princess in a fairy tale who was led to the altar by her one true love. She giggled over her own childishness. Life wasn't a fairy tale. And drunken dreams were hollow.

Dimly she heard people counting down. They were shouting. Frasier was looking at her and his mouth was moving. But he wasn't saying numbers.

"What did you say?" She asked just when everyone around her broke into cheering.

"I said I'm glad to be back."

"Back?"

"Didn't Niles tell you? I'm moving back to Seattle." Her first instinct – be happy – quickly turned into misery. Her friend would return to her, but her love for him would turn into a blazing fire that burned her alive.

"I thought Charlotte… I thought."

"Charlotte and I are no longer together." Somewhere in the distance someone started to play the piano. One by one, the people joined into a song. Roz knew it and for a moment it gnawed at her. Her eyes however were fixated on Frasier. He had changed, she finally realized. Age had caught up with him as well. But the smile on his face was as bright as ever. This was the look. Roz finally recognized it. This was the look Niles gave Daphne whenever he saw her. Her mouth opened, but there were no words. She regretted getting drunk. She'd done it to have protection, to have an armor against the pain he was bound to cause her. And the short moment of happiness his presence would give her; nothing to hold on to, nothing real.

"Why…not?"

"I think… we want different things. And I think we should talk about this another time."

"How long?" Roz wanted to know. Her mind cleared as if by magic. If she were to do this; if she were finally ready to tell him what she really felt for him, she didn't want it to be a rebound thing. No matter what his gaze told her, she needed to know how long he'd been free.

"A couple of months. I was waiting for the right moment to come back. I needed a job, you know."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise I guess." He smiled sheepishly.

"You came back for…your family."

"I came back for you. In whatever way you'll have me."

"You know people do this on Christmas. Those big romantic gestures and stuff. You missed your moment."

"I figured this fit us better."

"I didn't miss you that much."

"Niles and Daphne tell me different things." Frasier was extremely close. But he'd always invaded her personal space if he wanted to. Roz had done the same. She was tired of bickering and bantering. She wanted to be held by him. For all the moments he hadn't been there in the last few years.

"Frasier, I… I just want you to know what a fool I was. I always felt this. I always knew, but-"

"But you weren't ready," he finished for her with a sad smile. And just like that she knew that it had been the same for him. They hadn't been ready for each other. Now it was their time. They had both grown up – separately and still together – and finally this was right.

"I guess we needed the distance to see things clearly."

They stared at each other for a long while. People rushed by them, greeted the new year. Roz didn't care for the new year. Or the party around them. All she cared about was the new life she was about to start.

"I'm kind of drunk."

"Oh, I know."

"Can we still kiss? Just one kiss."

"One kiss. Happy New Year, Roz." He grinned and before they knew it, their lips locked. They'd kissed before, but never like this. Their kisses had happened as a ruse or a distraction or in despair. This was something else entirely. It was slow; it was a new way of getting to know each other. While she slowly lost herself in Frasier's kiss and arms, Roz thought she heard someone whisper 'I knew it!' and 'Happy New Year'. The voices sounded so much like Niles and Daphne's, but she couldn't be sure.

And she couldn't care less, because finally she no longer felt like running anywhere. She was right where she was meant to be.

**The End**


End file.
